As Told to Lifestyle Editor Stephanie Penn-Danforth
Katherine
Williams endured both physical, mental and verbal abuse at the hands of
those closest to her and emerged from these tragic situations, a woman
full of life and motivation. As an active member of the Venus Diva
Community, Katherine is not ashamed of her past and is set on sharing
what happened to her to inspire others. She is quoted saying, "I no
longer consider myself a victim...but a conqueror!"
What types of abuse did you endure? And how old were you when it started?
I believe I was about 13 when I was molested by an immediate family
member (a woman)...and it continued off and on for a couple of years. I
didn't think about it much but knew that it made me feel very
uncomfortable, hurt, and ashamed. I suppressed the thought of the
events as I got older and over indulged in work and school. I met an
older man earlier and decided to get married and that turned out to be
an unhealthy situation as well. He was controlling, condescending, and
verbally abusive to me as well. I'd never in my life had a man put his
hands on me and for the first time, my ex husband hands were around my
neck and he threw me to the bed while holding our 3month old daughter.
Did you tell anyone or did you feel like you had to keep it to yourself?
I didn't seek counseling because that was looked at as a sign of
weakness. I never wanted to shame my family of the molestation so I
kept this to myself. I thought no one would believe me because we
looked liked the ideal hardworking, caring and loving family in the
sight of others. But there were some sick issues in the walls of that
house I grew up in called home. Calling the police would only fuel the
fire so I tried to handle it the only way I knew how...being passive.
What was your turning point?
One day my daughter asked me "why does daddy always make you cry". That
question was a wake up call for me and I realized what my daughter was
learning from this relationship and wanted her to know that this was
not how men should treat their wives. I later divorced and learned that
I can be happy being single and raising children in a healthy
atmosphere. I knew the only way to free myself of feeling like a victim
for the rest of my life was to forgive and face this person. I joined
church, accepted Christ in 2001, got baptized and grew spiritually with
the aid and consistent outreach of my church family. This was a new
beginning and a turning point for me. All the pain I felt...I no longer
felt that it was my burden to carry alone anymore. A few years ago, I
confronted my perpetrator....but she had no recollection. But I know
when she looks at me it's a look of disproof.....because I've taken a
stand and have broken the chain of abuse that's been cursing my family
of previous generations. I may be an outcast to her, but I know I
belong to GOD.
What are you currently doing?
Currently, I'm engaged to a humble. graceful, and loving man who
nurtures my heart and soul, loves GOD, and who gladly and
compassionately accepts the responsibility of being a stepfather to my
two beautiful children. They welcome him in their lives with open arms
and hearts and I have no doubts that he will be an exceptional example
for them. I honor, adore, and love him unconditionally!!! Through my
work as a contracted LVN for SUSD Special Ed/OH(Orthopedic ally
Handicapped), I feel like this is one of my many efforts of giving back
to the kids what was taken from me...the love, the innocence, the time.
The staff loved me so much last year that my contract was extended for
another year!! I feel as if I've greatly contributed not only to the
students but the families and staff as well. It's more than just a job
for me but a way that I can give back a piece of my heart along the
way. In my 15 years as a healthcare professional, I feel great joy,
honor, and privilege to walk into the lives and hearts of many families
bringing comfort.
What advice can you offer women who may be experiencing what you did?
There are only few and rare cases that I've heard of women perpetrators
in molestation cases and pretty sure that this is going on more than
reported. Bottom line, There's no justification for it happening....It's
just wrong! Be not ashamed of what happened to you and take control of
where you're life is going. The only one that should be ashamed are the
ones committing the crime! When you speak, you're not only helping
yourself, but you're saving someone's life as well!
Stats & Facts:
Roughly 33% of girls and 14% of boys are molested before the age of 18,
according to the U.S. Justice Department. 7% of women (3.9 million) are
physically abused by their partners, and 37% (20.7 million) are
verbally or emotionally abused
5 Tips To Keep Kids Safe from Child Molesters
1. Teach them to avoid strangers.
2. Teach them what types of behavior are inappropriate from adults and peers.
3. Designate safe areas in your neighborhoods and point out potentially dangerous houses, parks or areas.
4. Let your kids know they can talk to you about anything - even sexual abuse.
5. Create a system so that your kids will never take a ride with a stranger claiming to be a friend of the family.
Domestic Violence: Where to Turn for Help
For emergency help: Call 911 if you are in immediate danger of domestic violence or have already been hurt.
For advice and support: Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE).
Additional contacts for the hotline:
Help through email: ndvh@ndvh.org
Help for the hearing-impaired: 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) or deafhelp@ndvh.org
For a safe place to stay:
Call your state's branch of the National Coalition Against Domestic
Violence if you need a shelter from domestic violence. To find your
state's hotline number, go to the State Coalition List.
